“I know that I’m seriously getting older. And I know this because my kindle has dramatically turned into this self-help library.”
I remember this statement was in a magazine I read on my flight from London to Delhi. And right now, it has gotten to me that the pressure to hit these adult milestones is out of sync for many 30-somethings these days.
When I read that magazine and found that statement, I realized that my early 30s self-help library was filled with advice. What was this advice on, you may want to ask? Well, they ranged from:
• How to get my finances in order
• How to make my relationships work and not to forget;
• How to get comfortable with uncertainties
Even with all these self-help books, in my early 30s now and wonder what my professional and personal future truly holds. I say this because I have gone through the ups and downs and turmoil of life, relationships, and career.
As much as I would hate to use the term “existential crisis,” the fact remains that most of us in our 30s have found ourselves stuck there. So now, take a walk down the 20’s lane with me:
In my 20’s, I felt my life was pretty OK, just like you may have felt at that point too. And it seemed OK because the goal was to discover meaningful friendships, a promising career, and sought after the perfect work-life balance.
Like me, my meaningful friends were focused on careers, and when it came to marriage and family, the idea in our heads was that we had plenty of time to see it through. But, alas! That has not been the case.
And while some of us battle with this mid-age crisis, I noticed people my age talk more about getting married and having kids. So, of course, it is not a bad conversation to have or an evil plan; I have also thought about it and discussed it with others.
Although, the twist in mine is that in my early 30s, I was never sure I was going to be ready for marriage. In my quiet space, I used to ask myself if marriage was truly essential for our survival.
Does it sound weird that I have thought about this, knowing that I am from India, where marriage is essential, and the pressure is simply the worst? Maybe it sounds weird, and maybe it does not, but it will not change the fact that marriage is beautiful.
But currently, as 30-somethings, we have found ourselves struggling with isolation, aging parents (because no one has the perfect words to say about watching our parents get old and die), financial stress, relationship problems, and work stress.
Let’s not forget that we now have to deal with less mature people and irresponsible adults around us. We are constantly taking on responsibilities, and is there relief in sight? I hardly think so because I have not found one.
And do you know the worse part about all of these problems? Since there is no relief in sight, we are currently depressed and left alone to live with sleeplessness and unhappiness. Everything triggers depression lately.
Do you think depression is the worst thing yet? I hate to say this, but at this point, one can easily begin exhibiting things like:
• Drug and alcohol abuse
• Anger
• Being rude
• Violent or abusive behavior
And, even when you have family and friends around you, the sad truth you may not want to accept is that they can never fully grasp how you feel deep inside. So when I look back on my 20’s, I can say my life was a bit OK back then, not now that my head spins around the existential crisis.
The funny or not-so-funny thing is that it is pretty easy to spiral down the existential crisis hole because after making the perfect plan for your life, guess what gets in the way of disrupting that plan? Life. You read right, LIFE!
I believe our 30-something predecessors that have walked down this road were happier than us. I stand by this belief because we are taking stock of everything happening around us. We are taking stock of the adulthood milestones and, surely, the lack of milestones.
Even though some of us, like me, have had the quarter-life crisis of asking ourselves, “what now” after getting a college degree, nobody is prepared for the rude awakening you get when encountering the real world.
At least I was not prepared for it, and to think I was past the average age for it. At my early 30s now, I know who I am and what I want out of life, but honestly, everything did not go according to plan, at least not by a long shot.
Looking back on it now, I think I may have had a mid-life and a quarter-life crisis converging simultaneously. So when thoughts like this find their way into my mind, I sit back to look at my social circle. It is filled with people around my age and those younger than I am.
As a person in my 30’s, I have seen people get anxious around the simple word “should”. They are lost in thoughts about things like:
• I should have a child
• I should be married at this point in my life
• I really should have a good-paying job
• I should have a car or a home
But one thing I never heard them say was, “I should live my life how I want to.” Yes, people do not live their lives how they want to anymore because they have to satisfy this peer pressure, societal pressure, and family pressure.
And that is why at this juncture of my life, I keep wondering, “what do we do.” As I come to the end of the road with this piece, I have certainly realized that there have been more plot twists in my life in the last three years than I ever imagined. These twists have been a mix of substantive success and significant failures.
I may be noticing them because I am subtly on a “do not give a shit about 40’s even though it is looming around the corner”.
The truth is that I am on this subtle path now because I realized when I clocked 30 that what I needed to do was to live every passing moment with gratitude and happiness. But, more so, I had to accept life as it came since we are only temporarily on Earth and not permanently. So, I’m learning to live life, and I think you should, too, on your terms.
As 30-somethings, we are old enough to follow some of the best life advice. That is why I will leave you with the best that helped me. They are:
• Keep practicing gratitude
• Embrace the beautiful and messy yet ordinary adult life
• Do not make the mistake of adhering to only one vision for your life
• You have to be adaptable and flexible
And the final piece of advice I have to share with you is that you need to figure out what you want and what you “think” you want, then adjust accordingly…
